My favorite movie of all time is The Shawshank Redemption. I can watch that movie every day of the week, and twice on Sunday, and never get tired of it. It is cast perfectly, it is based on a amazing short story, and Frank Darabont does a excellent job directing it. The seminal moment of the movie is when Andy Dufresne climbs through 800 yards of sewer line, "800 yards of shit smelling foulness" as Red puts it, to freedom and a new life in Zihuatanejo, Mexico. In all my time of loving this film, which is almost a decade of watching the movie, I have never truly related to Andy. Not until the last 6 months of my life.
The last 6 months have been tumultuous, to say the least. I am a man who prides himself on handling my own business, and dealing with issues, those that arise, in silence. I hate asking for help, especially from family. In the last 6 months I have lost my job, had a relationship end, lost a dog, and nearly lost my house. All of these things are consequences of my own actions, or inaction, and I am responsible for everything I have dealt with since March. In the process I have managed to alienate almost every member of my family who cares about me, due to pride and a unwillingness to admit mistakes. In short, I hit rock bottom.
Rock bottom for me was the day after a mountain weekend with my family where I fought with every single person present in the house at least twice, shrugged off responsibilities for my actions, and left on Sunday morning with the sourest of tastes in my mouth. Not the finest moment for Ryan Alexander. I was frustrated with where life had taken me, and didn't know what to do. I acted like a victim, instead of taking ownership of my own choices. I don't thing I have ever felt as low as I did the 3 hours it took to drive home from Highlands, back to Mooresville.
Andy Dufresne felt low. He almost broke when the warden had him spend a month in solitary. He almost broke under the torment of the Sisters. He almost broke when he found his wife cheating on him. But he persevered, through 27 years of confinement and solitude. At my lowest moment, I thought of Andy Dufresne. I could either resign myself to failure, or make do with what was in front of me. I chose to take the Andy route, and help myself to battle with the obstacles in front of me.
It has been difficult, starting over again. I have a new career, which I enjoy immensely. I managed to keep my house, and it feels like home for the first time in a while. I managed to patch things up with my family, and am working towards repairing the damage that I did this summer. I have forged a new relationship, and I remember what it feels like to share a part of yourself with someone else, to truly trust in another person for the good of the both of you. In short, I crawled my way to freedom. Andy was my inspiration.
Andy said to Red that "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies"
That quote helped get me through a tough time in my life. But I have managed to climb through 800 yards of shit smelling foulness, and come out clean on the other side. Me and Andy both managed that. Now I just have to make my way to my own version of Zihuatanejo, Mexico.
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